Personal · Thoughts

In a Rut

Hi there!  Long time no see everyone.  As you may (or may not) have noticed, I haven’t blogged in over a week.  While that might seem like a measly amount of time in retrospect, it has felt like an eternity since I have sat down and just wrote.  Wrote my thoughts.  Wrote advice.  Wrote out my struggles.  Wrote anything.

So, hi.  I am happy to see you guys again!

Lately, I have been feeling kind of like this-

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I love Ralph from The Simpsons.  He makes me smile!

In all seriousness, the real reason why I haven’t been writing is that I have been in a bit of a rut.  I’m not sure if the rut is depression seeping in or just simply a few “blah” days.  Lately, I get home from work and I just don’t want to do anything.  It isn’t laziness by any means.  I just don’t have the will to do things I used to love doing- like blogging.  

I abhor that I don’t have the will to blog because I adore it.  I really truly do.  I get to connect with so many wonderful people (like you!), write, and discover new things about myself.  Not blogging has been hard and I think it has just worsened my mood.  Perhaps it is depression.

Depression wants to isolate you.  It eats at you whether you are alone or with people, but it is much easier to focus on it when you are isolated.  Sometimes it really does feel like I am Elsa from Frozen.

source 

Not only has my depression increased, but my body image has plummeted.  It makes me feel worthless and disgusting.  I have to remind myself that those are not true.  I am have air in my lungs and am a child of God.  Why should I then feel worthless?  Those awful thoughts that creep into my head are irrational.

That is why I am here right now.  I’m fighting the demons in my head one written word at a time.  The more I write right now, I feel just a tiny bit better.

So tell me…

  • Have you been in a rut?
  • Have you ever seen The Simpsons?
  • What have you been up to?  I missed you all!

I will see you all really soon with a real post!

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9 thoughts on “In a Rut

  1. Hey Alison! I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with some heavy thoughts and going through a hard time. No hurry to come back to blogging- I hope you can find some things to do & people to spend time with that will encourage you (& remember that you’re a daughter of the KING and are so loved!)

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  2. I understand how you feel girl. There are so many times where in my heart I truly want to be achieving something or partaking in what I love such as blogging, writing, reading, or even studying, but yet at the same time I feel like doing nothing and I cannot get myself to actually DO any of it.
    Ruts are normal, and I believe all successful people encounter them.
    I am happy that you are back though <3!

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  3. I am so sorry you are going through this hard time right now. Yes, I have been in a rut before and I know it can be incredibly difficult. Know that you have a lot of people who are supporting you. We see how beautiful and strong you are. I truly hope you continue to feel better. You are in our prayers.

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  4. Dearest Alison,

    I understand those feelings, but those are what the Devil wants you to believe. Think of the truth of God’s Word. Jesus came. He came so that we might have life more abundantly. He came to save us. He came to redeem us, to change us. You are NOT your past. You are a beautiful girl, made in His image, for Him!

    And I had to share this with you. It’s from a preacher named Spurgeon.

    ‘MEDITATE a little on this mercy of the Lord. It is tender mercy. With gentle, loving touch, He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. He is as gracious in the manner of His mercy as in the matter of it. It is great mercy. There is nothing little in God; His mercy is like Himself—it is infinite. You cannot measure it. His mercy is so great that it forgives great sins to great sinners, after great lengths of time, and then gives great favours and great privileges, and raises us up to great enjoyments in the great heaven of the great God. It is undeserved mercy, as indeed all true mercy must be, for deserved mercy is only a misnomer for justice. There was no right on the sinner’s part to the kind consideration of the Most High; had the rebel been doomed at once to eternal fire he would have richly merited the doom, and if delivered from wrath, sovereign love alone has found a cause, for there was none in the sinner himself. It is rich mercy. Some things are great, but have little efficacy in them, but this mercy is a cordial to your drooping spirits; a golden ointment to your bleeding wounds; a heavenly bandage to your broken bones; a royal chariot for your weary feet; a bosom of love for your trembling heart. It is manifold mercy. As Bunyan says, “All the flowers in God’s garden are double.” There is no single mercy. You may think you have but one mercy, but you shall find it to be a whole cluster of mercies. It is abounding mercy. Millions have received it, yet far from its being exhausted; it is as fresh, as full, and as free as ever. It is unfailing mercy. It will never leave thee. If mercy be thy friend, mercy will be with thee in temptation to keep thee from yielding; with thee in trouble to prevent thee from sinking; with thee living to be the light and life of thy countenance; and with thee dying to be the joy of thy soul when earthly comfort is ebbing fast.’

    LOVE YOU! ❤ HUGS.

    Emily

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