Good morning sweet people! I have a personal post to share with you all today. As many of you know, I am recovering from an eating disorder. A nasty, ugly disease. For this Thursday’s Thinking Out Loud (hosted by Amanda) I need to express something that is on my heart and mind.
College is right around the corner and I cannot be more excited. I have eagerly awaited for this day since elementary school (no joke). There is one huge obstacle that is in my way. ED.
I have finally come to terms that currently I am not at a healthy weight. I feel like I am huge. I feel like I shouldn’t gain any weight. I feel out of control. However, feeling is not fact. My beautiful counselor has been ingraining this in my brain since before I started recovery. And you know what? It’s true, and I need to be constantly repeating that in my head.
I want to be in a healthy mindset for college as well as in a healthy weight range. In order to prosper as much as I can at university, I need to heal. Heal by gaining weight and by breaking ED’s rules. It isn’t going to be fun or easy, and for that I am petrified.
I can already feel the weight of the unnecessary guilt and shame on my shoulders. With everything that I do, I need to remember that it is the Lord that gives me strength. Philippians 4:13 states that “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.” Jesus has made us new and He gives us the tools and abilities to conquer anything. I take comfort in knowing that my Savior is going to be with me each step of the way.
In order to accomplish my goal and conquer ED, I need to constantly pray and remind myself that eating is not something to be “earned” nor do I need a specific reason to eat. To fuel yourself is to give yourself the chance to live and do what you are made to do.
I’m in it to gain it. Not only am I gaining weight, but I’ll be gaining a future, a life, trust, comfort, healthfulness, and so many other wonderful things.
Now, if you will please excuse me, I have a delicious Blizzard to devour. No, ED, you are not invited.
Questions for You
- Have you ever had something standing in the way of your goals?
- What are you up to this fine Thursday?
Very much love,
Keep In Touch!